Don’t Chase Confidence. Chase Competence.

I recently listened to an episode of Mark Manson’s Solved podcast about how to build confidence, and I deeply resonated with one of its central ideas:

If you want to become more confident, stop chasing confidence.

Instead, chase courage. Chase practice. Chase competence.

Confidence Is Not the Starting Point

We often treat confidence as something we need before we can take action.

We tell ourselves:

“I’ll speak up when I feel more confident.”

“I’ll apply for the opportunity when I feel ready.”

“I’ll step onto the stage when I’m no longer nervous.”

But confidence is rarely the starting point.

More often, it is the outcome of having the courage to do something before we feel completely ready—and then practising it over and over again.

When there is something you want to become better at, you probably do not need to “feel more confident.”

You may simply need more time, more practice, more experience, and a better strategy.

You try.

You notice what did not work.

You make adjustments.

Then you try again.

Little by little, you become better at what you are trying to do.

Eventually, when you walk into an interview or step onto a stage, you feel confident—not because you have successfully convinced yourself to stop feeling nervous, but because you have prepared enough to trust yourself.

Confidence is not the input.

It is the by-product of the courage, effort, and practice you have already put in.

Why I Sometimes Look Confident, and Sometimes Don’t

This idea made me reflect on my own experience.

Sometimes, I appear very confident when I am speaking in front of others. I know what I want to say, I can explain my ideas clearly, and I feel comfortable answering questions.

At other times, I may seem much less confident.

For a long time, I thought this inconsistency meant that I simply was not a confident person.

But now I realise that the difference is often much simpler.

When I look confident, it is usually because I am talking about something I know well.

I have worked on it, thought deeply about it, and explained it many times before. I know how to structure the story and respond when someone asks a difficult question.

When I do not feel confident, it is often because I am doing something for the first time.

I may not understand the subject deeply enough yet, or I may not have had enough opportunities to practise.

It does not mean that I am incapable.

It only means that I am inexperienced.

Maybe You Are Not Unconfident, just Inexperienced

This shift in perspective has helped me become less judgmental toward myself.

Instead of asking:

“Why am I not confident?”

“Why does everyone else look so comfortable?”

“Why can’t I perform better?”

I can ask a more practical question:

What do I need to practise?

Perhaps I need more time to understand the subject.

Perhaps I need to prepare my thoughts more clearly.

Perhaps I need to rehearse the presentation a few more times.

Perhaps I simply need to do it badly once, learn from it, and try again.

You do not have to label yourself as an unconfident person just because you feel uncertain while doing something new.

You may simply be at the beginning of the learning curve.

You just need more time.

You just need more experience.

You can get better at it.

Courage Comes Before Confidence

Before confidence, there is usually courage.

The courage to step outside your comfort zone.

The courage to speak even when your voice feels uncertain.

The courage to apply for something before you feel fully qualified.

The courage to try, fail, adjust, and try again.

Confidence does not appear because you wait long enough to feel ready.

It grows when you repeatedly do things that once felt unfamiliar.

Every time you complete something difficult, you collect a little more evidence that you are capable.

That evidence slowly becomes self-trust.

And self-trust eventually looks like confidence.

Chase Competence, Not the Feeling of Confidence

So, instead of trying to appear more confident, focus on becoming more capable.

Study the subject.

Prepare your ideas.

Develop a strategy.

Practise the skill.

Ask for feedback.

Improve what did not work.

Then repeat the process.

You do not have to force yourself to feel confident.

You have to give yourself enough preparation, experience, and evidence to believe that you can handle the situation.

So, don’t chase confidence.

Chase the courage to begin before you feel ready.

Chase the discipline to practise when you are still not good at it.

Chase the competence that comes from learning, adjusting, and trying again.

One day, confidence will arrive on its own—not as something you forced yourself to feel, but as the natural outcome of knowing that you have done the work.